The Day I Invented the “Slow as Molasses” Offense

Every football program has its bloopers. Some happen on the field. Mine happened online.

It was the early days of social media, long before athletic departments had whole teams of digital strategists. At Tulsa, our sports information director, DT, was not exactly enamored with Twitter or Facebook. He did not want to touch it, so he handed me the reins. Suddenly, I was the voice of Tulsa football.

Now, DT and I had a funny relationship. I admired him so much. He had this steady, buttoned up way of carrying himself. Meanwhile, I was a fountain of chatter. I would constantly pepper him with, “Did you know this? Have you heard that?” He would just look at me cross eyed, as if I was an unsolvable puzzle he had to tolerate.

Then came April 1. My very first April Fools’ Day running the team account. Tulsa was famous for its hurry up offense. The phrase was recycled in every article, every week. Reporters could not get enough of it.

So what did I do? I announced we were scrapping it. Goodbye hurry up. Hello “slow as molasses offense.”

I described it in detail: linemen dragging themselves to the line, the quarterback pausing dramatically, plays unfolding in slow motion, all to confuse our opponents.

Some fans got the joke. Some did not. And DT? His phone blew up. His inbox exploded. He did not even use social media, but suddenly he was drowning in it. Within hours, I got the dreaded call:

“You have to take it down.”

Cue my sad face.

The Lesson

Looking back, it still makes me laugh. But it also reminds me that even when you are just trying to be funny, people take what they see on official channels seriously. A little joke can become a very big deal.

That day taught me one of the earliest lessons of social media: when you hold the microphone, even a blooper echoes.

Tulsa football always finds a way to keep things exciting. This weekend the Golden Hurricane left defense spinning and fans grinning ear to ear. Nothing slow about our storm!