It’s all Trump’s Fault

It’s All Trump’s Fault

At Sun Devil hockey games you can hear the student section chanting, “It’s all your fault!” after the other team’s goalie slips up. And after years of hearing our president say, “It’s all Biden’s fault,” I figured it was my turn. So here it is: it’s all Trump’s fault.

There used to be a time when everything was the Democrats’ fault. Gas prices went up? Democrats. Gas prices went down? Still Democrats. Stubbed your toe? Nancy Pelosi left Legos on the floor. Couldn’t get a date? Chuck Schumer ruined romance. Your Wi-Fi dropped? Thanks, Obama.

But times have changed, my friends. We’re in the Trump era now, and I’ve finally realized the sweet freedom of blaming one man for every single inconvenience in my life. And let me tell you;  it’s glorious.

Take the weather. The sky is gray today. That’s Trump’s fault. Don’t even argue with me. My app says it’s partly cloudy, but I don’t trust Big Weather anymore. Clearly Trump’s behind the forecast.

Lulu won’t listen when I tell her to sit? Trump’s fault. Puppies used to respect authority before Trump. Now it’s all fake obedience. She just tilts her head, stares at me with those big eyes, and trots off like she’s got a better offer. Classic Trump influence.

I gained five pounds last week; Trump’s fault. It’s not the tacos at midnight, it’s not the margaritas, it’s not my inability to walk past a bakery without “supporting small business.” Nope. Trump. He probably deregulated carbs.

You know what else? I can’t get an appointment with my doctor for three months. Obviously Trump. Used to be when the Democrats were in charge, I could at least get yelled at by the receptionist within two weeks. Now? Forget it. Thanks, Trump.

And don’t get me started on technology. My phone died at 3 percent. That has Trump written all over it. Siri ignores me half the time; probably because Trump scared her into silence. My Netflix keeps buffering. Trump clearly owns stock in buffering.

So if you hear me at a Sun Devil hockey game chanting, “It’s all your fault!” just know—I’m not yelling at the goalie. I’m yelling at Trump.

-Penni Leigh